A Wolf in Black Sheep's Clothing

I wanted this next poem of mine to resemble an audio recording that was being played back.

\Are you recording? Alright. Well, let me start by saying he's not a bad guy. I don't dislike the man, and he's a brilliant writer. He's just not as innocent as he tries to portray himself in all of this. You know they say you should watch out for a wolf in sheep's clothing. I feel for him, I do, he was hurting a lot, but so were the other three. I mean, look at it this way, his Scorpio book just gave one side of the story, but there's so much more that the world doesn't even know about.

A couple things to note about this poem--for one thing, it's not written from my point of view. Someone outside of me is looking at my past and commenting on it. I wanted to write from someone on the outside looking in on what I've gone through. It's also written as prose poetry. There are references to my second book, I Am Scorpio. In this book, I wrote a lot about heartbreak. This poem is reflecting on the making of that book and looking at it from a different perspective.

Nobody knows all of the nights that were spent taking care of him when he was broken down, I mean that seriously takes a toll on someone. He's not the easiest to date either. He's super sensitive, which at first might not seem like such a bad thing, but when you get down to it, you're constantly watching what you do and say around him for fear of hurting him.

I wanted to write a narrative for my exes to fill in some of the gaps that I left open in my second book. Once you heal from a break up, you have the clarity to look at some of your own faults within the relationship--things that you learned from the relationship that you can carry with you to future relationships.

He's got this fake idea about what love is. Almost like a fantasy that he expects the other person to live up to. And if I'm being honest, I don't think he knows how to even love himself. Yeah. Like the love from others wasn't enough for him. Maybe that's why he felt so hurt all the time. Yeah. That's got to be it. Like maybe those three exes of his tried their hardest to make it work but his demons were too much to be around. You can't bring yourself down trying to lift someone else all the time. It's exhausting. You know? It sucks. I know all three of them still care about him deeply. Maybe they always will. I know for a fact they all wish him well. There's no hard feelings, not even from him.

In a way, I was giving myself closure by trying to put myself in the shoes of each ex lover that I had. I pinpointed flaws that I needed to work on as well as the flaws that I just needed to accept about myself.

I still feel for him, though. Being an adult is never easy. I'm sure he's beating himself up over all of this, too. He knows the secrets kept. He knows all the things he did wrong. I'm sure he's paying for it. Somehow. I get the impression he sees himself like an outsider now. It's like even a black sheep like him wants to feel like he belongs. Again, I don't think he's a bad guy. He's a good man, trust me. I just think he's got his priorities mixed up. He's never put himself first before. He needs to be a little selfish. You know? Just a little. I think that would make all the difference, even for his writing.\

I think when you give yourself closure in this way, you can only hope that the other person thinks fondly of you, even though it didn't work out. I have another poem that serves as an audio recording in part 2 of my book that will explain this more in detail.